CAVEAT: If you are easily offended and take everything you read seriously do not read any further. Email: email@example.com
This is the official Slut Formula. It is based on endless research in the field of Slutometry. It has been developed through blood, sweat, and tears and is perhaps the most important formula to all mankind. The formula is very complex and has been neatly programmed into a calculation box below where one is given a "sluticity value". The formula is also recalibrated yearly to account for slut inflation.
Some guidelines to using the formula. Read carefully:
-Only count different men you have been with. Meaning that if you gave the same guy a blowjob 10 times, that only counts for one blowjob. But if you gave 10 different men blowjobs, then that counts as 10.
-The same guy cannot count for multiple stages, meaning that if you fucked 2 guys, that doesn't count as the kissing ('making out') as well, you just take the furthest step you went (kiss < blow < sex < anal < ass-to-mouth). So if you kissed, blew, and fucked a guy many times, you just count that as 'one fuck' (NOT 'one kiss, one blowjob, one fuck').
-Must be atleast 18 years old to use
Why the Slut Formula? Why does it only apply to women?
Because in a nutshell, women are the ones in control when it comes to sex. Women can pick and choose who they sleep with while men aren't nearly as picky and must constantly prove themselves while doing the initiating (ex: typically men approach women, not the other way around). Women, try this simple test: go outside right now and ask a random man if he'd like a blow job. Any man. Do it. Right now. Assuming they are single (or not?) they will more than likely say "sure!" and jump at the opportunity. Now if a man went outside and asked a female if she'd like to do something sexual he would more than likely get slapped.
Sluticity corrupts, and absolute sluticity corrupts absolutely. With provocative female attire, strict sexual harassment laws against men, and this magical and innate ability to control them via vagina, women are the ones who must accept this responsibility and not abuse the power... if they do they will earn such titles as slut, whore, cock gobbler, etc. Men, however, who can overcome such power and adversity will be recognized as a 'pimp' (for lack of better word) while earning the respect of his fellow pussy-less peers.
A linear relationship of sex and slutdom for a female.
Can men be sluts?
Yes. This number is higher than women though (as for reasons stated earlier). With some great leaders corruption is an inevitable issue. Bottom line is there is a point where enough is enough, and this number is yet to be determined because these individuals are rare and further studies would be needed to determine the status of such outliers. See graph below:
Notice the male graph forms a sigmoidal curve as opposed to the female which shows a linear relationship.
Accuracy of the formula?
It is very accurate and is highly calibrated to take several factors into account, but ofcourse not every factor could be accounted for. For instance, the time frame to which the sexual activity occurs: if one has sex with several people over a month versus that of a year, there is a fine difference. Also, there is a matter of quality vs quantity. For instance, if a man fucks 10 virgin supermodels vs 10 over-aged slutastic strippers, the former would be some sort of sex God while the latter a dirty slut. These factors have not been incorporated due to such subjectivity and ambiguity of the matter. I'm sure the dichotomy of the previous example could be calculated into a numerical slutic value but it is beyond the scope of this website and my interest.
More Questions and Answers
Q: Is there such a thing as a "born again virgin"?
A: No. Attempts can be made at deslutinization... a slut exorcism you may say, but this never works.
Q: If a slut has sex with a less sluttier person or a virgin, can they decrease their slutticity by "donating" it to them?
Q: What about handjobs, that's not slutty.
A: Ladies... a handjob is a man's job, yo job is a blow job.
Tips on how to identify a slut aka red flags.
These are just a few red flags to look for in Slutdom. Having one does not mean they are a slut, but I warn you, if you ignore the icebergs your ship is bound to sink. In parentheses I have entered a guestimated value of how each characteristic increases the chances of sluticity. For instance, if it says "50%" that means there is about a 50% chance she engages heavily in sluttish behavior.
1) If her vagina looks like Rocky Balboa's eye in the last round of a fight (98%)
2) She must use a Sybian or Hitachi Wand to get off (40%)
3) When making eye contact, her eyes quickly glance down to your privates and back up (25%). If she licks her lips after doing this (80%)
4) She has crabs and the crabs have herpes (98%)
5) She asks if she can snort coke off your dick (60%)
6) If you ask her "are you a slut?" and she replies "yes" (??)
7) Large lower back tattoo and tongue pierced (70%)
8) Multiple kids from multiple guys she hardly knows (90%)
9) If she swallows during head and is not your girlfriend (25%)
10) If she has kissed another girl while men cheered her on (25%)
11) If she has a turkey neck vagina or you hear clapping when she walks (99%)
12) If this website offends you (90%)
Certificate of Recognition
Finally, if you use this formula and find out that you are a slut, you can get this certificate to show all your friends and family. Be proud you are a slut! You can frame it and hang it on your wall, show your priest or minister and have them hang it up in the church and let them show it off, or you can give it to your spouse or grandparents. If you want one please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with your official sluticity score and I will mail it to you as soon as I can with my signature and authenticity. Here is what one looks like:
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...to help you achieve enlightenment